I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
