I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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