i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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