seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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