5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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