You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
