I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
