I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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