If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
