it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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