you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
