i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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