my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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