You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
