So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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