so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
