i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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