I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
