I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
