Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
