I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize