going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you never un-have a 4some
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
