Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
