when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
