shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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