you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
