I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
