Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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