Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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