And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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