nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize