I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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