it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
