never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
