I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
