I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Even my vagina gasped.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
