I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
