If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A+ Viking dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
