it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
