You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
