I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
