just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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