I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
