At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
