I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
should my penis look like a turkey
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
