im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
