I can tuck mytits in my pants
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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