I wish my penis had an off switch
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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