; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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