your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
