there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
