I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
