My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
