That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
