So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
