I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize