Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
