I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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