Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
