at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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