Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I want is dick and wine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
