He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
