the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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