Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
