I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
